The End of 2009 & Still at the BACK of the Line - but I Got a Biggun'

"Queen Katherine, what's wrong with you? No blog posts lately, no funny stories, not even any art. What is up with you??"

Don't think I haven't heard the fevered clamoring from you guys. The whispers, sighs, and questions. The pitch is getting quite loud - and being  Queen, I couldn't do that to you, my dear, wonderful, lovely, beautiful readers. (Enough sucking up?) I had to pop in, this last day of 2009, and say...something.

Thank goodness 2009 is ending!

HERE'S TO 2010 BEING MUCH, MUCH BETTER THAN '09 WAS!

I'm big enough to admit that I have six posts half written and saved. Not published. To finish them would require me to complete the research for them...which seems like way too much work. (By research I mean putting in the links, finding pictures, blah blah blah.) So I'm starting over, saving those for another day. Maybe.

Let's examine why a spinal headache is so painful. Get out your No 2 pencils, sit up straight, and pay attention. There will not be a test on this at the end. I'm just too lazy at this point. Come on...I'm already schooling you in something you probably aren't the least bit interested in...so cut me a little slack. Lest I remind you I'm the Queen again.

According to THE QUEEN, and what I feel like writing:

A SPINAL HEADACHE happens when one gets a very small leak in the "sheath", or tough membrane, covering the spinal column. Since I'm now realizing what a pain this would be to explain, without getting into a whole anatomy class, this is going to be the short definition. If I do less than a fantabulous job, click the links at the end and get more information. At least I understand what I'm saying.

Any time a needle is inserted into your spine - whether it's to pull out cerebrospinal fluid (CSF), like a spinal tap, or to put medication in the spine, like an epidural - one can end up with a spinal headache. (Spinal headaches can also happen spontaneously, but it's very rare.) The needle has to puncture the protective "sheath" in order to get to the space where the CSF flows, which is the space where medication is put for something like an epidural. If the needle "hole" doesn't immediately close, CSF can leak through this "sheath". I always think of it like bouyancy - and may be totally wrong, but that's how I think of it. Your brain and spinal cord must be bathed in CSF all the time - they float in it. If the CSF is leaking, there isn't enough to keep the correct "parts" bouyant - your brain literally begins to sink, which is why you have such a severe, please-just-kill-me-now-because-I'm-in-hell, type of headache. It's like when you poke a balloon with a needle - the hole is so small that it's almost impossible to see, but the fluid inside the balloon can still leak out.

Now that I've totally confused you, forget it. Just read what happens here. Or here. Or even here. As an aside, very informative videos on all sorts of back pain, conditions, and treatments, can be found here, put out by Spine Health. Some fifty percent of the adult population will have back problems during their lives, and I highly recommend checking out the videos if you're struggling with any of these issues. Anyway...

The only way to feel better is to lay flat. Standing, sitting, or having your head upright at all, is painful beyond words - and if you cough or sneeze, God help you. You honestly think your head will shoot off - and wish it would. But lay down, and relief comes quickly (depending on how long you were upright before laying down).Usually, the hole(s) close without any intervention, and the headache goes away. But sometimes - unless you're me, in which case it happens all the time - they don't close on their own...and you win another fun medical procedure, called a blood patch - they draw a huge bolus of blood out of your arm, then inject it into your spine. The idea is that the blood cells will find the hole(s) causing the leak, and patch them. Having a blood patch is like instant relief...as soon as it's done, your headache resolves, and you return to a human state again. It's a strange thing, going from a headache that honestly makes you wish you were dead, to no headache at all - but if you're the one with the headache, you don't question it.

So that's where your Queen has been, in spinal headache hell. Not a place I recommend visiting. Ever. I wouldn't even say it's a place for the in-laws.

I was supposed to be having a rhizotomy, or radiofrequency neurotomy, today. The follow up to last week's medial branch block - which is what I ended up having, instead of facet injections. Why stop at injecting the facet joints, with itty-bitty needles - when you can go for the whole branch of nerves, with a much larger needle? The medial branch block went alright, unless you consider that I spent the rest of the week flat on my back, in spinal headache hell. Except for the brief periods of sickness I experienced because of some great new medication for something else.

Mine's Bigger Than Yours!

And

OH MY GOODNESS - IS A BLOG POST JUST A "POST" IF YOU HAVE TO HAVE SUB-HEADINGS??

If you've made it this far, you're at the climactic point of the novel that has become this post. You're on the edge of your seat wondering why on earth I'm not having the rhizotomy right now. So why am I writing you - and not acting as the human pin cusion/electrical conduit? It's all due to my uvula.

No! We don't want to know about your gynecological issues, Queen! Ha - no matter how much it sounds like a dirty word, the uvula is the "punching bag" thingy that hangs down at the back of your mouth, in your throat. Mine is all swollen up for some reason - and you can't have any sort of back procedure when you're hosting an infection. I've had a swollen uvula before - several times. I don't know what causes it - nor do I know anyone else this happens to. I just know the doc won't touch me like this. Is this a minor sidetrack...or a major roadblock?

Who knows. I just know that as the worst year of my life, I'm glad 2009 is drawing to a close...and I won't be sorry to see it go. I hope all of you have a fantastic New Years - but more than that. I hope 2010 is full of love, prosperity, success, great friends, and good health. I mean that. You all have touched my life in ways you'll never know...and I hope your goodness and kindness is returned to you - ten-fold.

 xx,

It's Confirmed - 2:30 is Too Early to Wake Up!

It's 2:37 am. I think. I can't see the clock real well with all the sleep still lingering in my eyes. It better be 2:37 - or I'm in big trouble.

My aunt should be here in about an hour-and-a-half to pick me up. Am I going to some tropical destination for Christmas - and need a ride to the airport? Cha, right. Is she coming to get me so we can do some early morning Christmas shopping? I don't think so - I'm pretty sure you need money for that. So where am I off to so early in the morning? What fun and exciting adventure could I possibly be embarking on?

Wanna Know More?

Happy Turkey Day!

Happy Thanksgiving!

The Princess wanted to make something to share with you for Thanksgiving - so I will keep this short and let her "present" to you stand out as today's post. I did want to share with you that I am thankful for each and every one of you. You guys are my sounding board, my friends, and my sanity. I could not get through the antics the childebeasts pull without you. You guys are the best - and for that, I am thankful.

Here is the special present the Princess made for you. She was very specific: post it on my blog for Thanksgiving, tell you "you're special" and to "remember to be thankful", and to say, "GOBBLE! GOBBLE!".

EDIT: You have to check this video out...consider it the second part of the Royal Zoos Thanksgiving wishes to you.

xx,

Wix's Halloween Gift

In a surprising (semi) continuation of yesterday's post, look what I found last night...

Although this man and woman look innocent enough...

&

They definitely have a little crazy running through them...

I have no idea who this is...but what a great face to demonstrate "crazy"!

Why would I say that about such seemingly normal people?

I was gathering laundry yesterday and came upon something that took me aback. I wasn't expecting it at all. I had to wait for Wix to come home so I could ask him about it - and it turns out, those seemingly normal people gave it to him in his Halloween bag.

What, exactly, did I come across?

Holiday Gifts...Part II

After yesterday's wildly off-topic post, I'll hopefully stick to the topic today. Maybe.

I would like to give those of you making crafty holiday gifts, a little someum' someum' to think about. I know for a fact that anyone can make a spectacular gift - all anyone needs is a little time and the right tools. Maybe some instructions - or at least a creative idea - and some patience. Those few things, plus the points I'll discuss below, will help to make your gift fantastic - rather than fugly. Read on for my thoughts - and a few ideas - about making gifts for the holidays.

I've done so many different things for holiday gifts - and they've changed a lot over the years. Since having childebeasts (which would make it sound like I remember what life was like before they came along...NOT! lol), I've tried to do things they can help with - but are still wanted by the recipient. There is nothing worse than getting something the parent considers cute - but you have no idea a) what it is, b) what it's used for, and c) what to do with it. I'm all for giving gifts made by the kids - but certain things are items only grandparents adore. Let's not force those things on the unsuspecting (or unwilling)!

Also, another quick note - know your skill level. There are so many different projects online (all it takes is a quick Google search), it's easy to find one that fits with your talents, skill level, budget, and style. If you run across something you really want to make - and it takes you 5 hours to make one, that may not be the best thing to make for all 100 of your office mates. Trust me. I've done this to myself before - and rather than enjoying the process, I wind up cursing the recipients existence. That isn't really what the holiday spirit is about...

Edibles are always great - especially for people you work with. If you have (or can find!) a dynamite recipe for fudge or other holiday confection, you'll endear yourself to those you give it to...forever. This is one of the easiest things I've done - and has saved my backside more than once. Great for last minute gifts - or to keep on hand to give to those people who give you something...and you don't have anything to give back.

Ornaments are also appreciated. These are great things for associates or acquaintances - maybe those who are closer to you than the majority of people at the office, but not a real close friend. These can also be good for teachers because they are so easy to customize. Last year, we did a lot of ornaments. (I thought I made a tutorial for this - but I can't find it, so evidently I didn't.) Since we live in Denver, we made "melted snowman" ornaments. Clear glass ornaments, clear (and a few white) seed beads, black (eyes & buttons), orange (nose), and red & white (hats & scarves) polymer clay, and acetate (overhead projector sheets) cut to fit inside the ornaments. I made a pattern for the acetate so it would fill the diameter of the ornament - and before cutting them out of the full sheet, I stamped white (and embossed iridescent) snowflakes all over. Then I wrote, "Happy Holidays from the _______ 2008" on the acetate, taking up most of the room. Around the bottom I wrote, "Genuine snowman from Denver, CO". I cut these out, rolled them up to fit through the neck of the ornament, and used a pencil to center the writing. Dump in the seed beads and little accessories you've made out of polymer clay, tie a ribbon around the top, and you're done! You can make a lot of these quickly - and inexpensively.

The other things I've/we've made...homemade potpourri, sun catchers with dried flowers/leaves/seeds (this one takes some forethought if you want to save by drying your own flowers/leaves/seeds), wreathes, lip balm kits (for my daughter's friends), personalized stationery, mini/art quilts, and memory boxes. If you are looking for something to give a pet lover, homemade treats for their pet are appreciated, as is an easy-to-make personalized food or water dish.

Whatever you decide to make, whether it's from scratch or you're just altering something you've bought, personalizing it to the recipient is easy - and appreciated. It shows you've taken the time and made the effort to make it special. Which would you rather receive - something someone made 100 of...or something personalized? Personalization doesn't take that much longer - but can really make your gift special.

I know I said I would only talk about this for one day...but it's now lapsed into two. And I'll open it up for questions...if you are going to be crafty this holiday season, and you have questions, let me have 'em. From questions about how to make something, to wanting me to write a tutorial about a project...or needing ideas for a certain skill level - or particular recipients...or wanting to know where to get a supply (at a great price)...or anything else, leave a comment with your question. If there are enough questions, I'll make a Q&A post.

Just don't ask me about the meaning of life.

Holiday Gifts

Before I get in to today's post, I want to thank you for the well wishes. I'm not dead after all...in fact, I feel a lot better today. Unfortunately for the childebeasts, their plan was foiled. Muwahahaha

Today, let's talk about holiday gifts. As someone who absolutely despises the holidays, I'm not going to spend a lot of time on this. In fact, I'm not even going to say anything more about it...probably until December. By then, even those of us who don't get all "warm and fuzzy" about the holidays can't resist the pressure of it all, and are forced to submit. Leave me alone about it the other 11 months - and I'll do my best to pretend I like it the last month of the year. (Maybe I'll write some schleppy post about why I dislike Christmas so much...but maybe not. It's not interesting, no one thing made me start hating it, and it just brings up more holiday talk.)

While pondering the possible end of my life yesterday, I was continually interrupted by commercials of happy families getting their holiday groove on. Especially by KMart and their lay-a-way plan. (I think those commercials started like a 4-6 weeks ago.) Irritating as it was, I know it's going to get a whole lot worse - much like the political commercials do right before a presidential election. Then I found out that Santa will be arriving at area malls this Friday. November 6. A full FORTY-NINE days before Christmas. It's a record - and the malls say they're doing it to help "parents get in the mood, and realize Christmas is just around the corner". As if parents - who have children of any age - can forget? Really?? I find it hard to believe the 'beasts are the only children who, all year long, say they want _______ for Christmas. Even the day after Christmas, while half the crap is still in its packaging, the 'beasts are watching TV and commenting they want _____ for next Christmas. Thanks, KMart - I don't need a reminder that I can put everything on lay-a-way. And a huge THANK YOU to the Denver Post - for letting me know Santa will be at the mall from tomorrow til Christmas. You just cemented the fact I will not be going to the mall - for any reason - til after the first of the year.* The last thing I want or need is to get the childebeasts all riled up about Christmas...while they are still hyped up on their Halloween candy.

Hello...can you say tangents? Maybe we'll get to what my point is. So the post is a little convoluted and confusing. So am I.

Crafting and holiday gifts. This will be old news to some of you - but still important things to remember, nonetheless. There are some very specific rules to making things for others as holidays gifts, lest you land on Homemade Hilarity. Fantastic site - if you, or something you've made, aren't on it. In an effort to help all of you - craftista or not - here is some important information to keep in mind if you are going to make gifts this year, rather than buying everything. Let's face it - rollin' with these economic times means everyone needs to save a few Benjamen's (or in my case, Washington's), so many people who haven't necessarily considered giving a handmade gift before, are seriously considering it this year. Which is awesome - I'm all about forwarding the handmade movement - as long as it's well thought out and not just thrown together.

There are several points I want to make about crafting a gift for the holidays - especially those who are new to making gifts. I truly believe anyone can make something really nice - whether they have experience or not - and I'd like to give you some pointers so you can be as successful as possible. I'm not going to focus on what you can make - doing a search on Google will net you more results than you could use in 100 holidays - but I do want to give you some things to think about before plunging in, headfirst.

Unless you'd rather do things the Queen Katherine way...don't think about it, just start making something. Don't worry about how many you need to make - just start on one. After finishing that first one, realize it took you six hours to make it, you've use all your supplies for that particular project, it's ten o'clock at night so the stores are closed, the gift exchange event is in two days, and you need to make 109 more. Sadly, that's how I do things...so I'm trying to save you and spare you a lot of frustration. Tune in tomorrow for the stuff I was going to post today, until I got off on other subjects.

* In all fairness, it should be noted that I haven't been to the mall since...it's been so long that I can't even remember the last time I went to the mall. So it isn't like they'll be missing out on my I-don't-have-two-nickels-to-rub-together-food-stamp-getting-I-hate-Christmas self.

xx,

Halloween Hangover

My aunt and uncle's, where we spend Halloween every year.

The two little lights in the upstairs windows are little Halloween luminaries.

The front yard. Spooky grave site with it's occupant trying to escape by clawing through the earth!

 

Close up of yard decorations.

Mr Creepy's hand is just visible in the center, at the bottom.

 

Skull torch lighting the way for trick or treaters

It was a full moon on Halloween.

If you look close, you'll notice something is wrong.

The Man in the Moon is missing!

He's been replaced by a witch!

 

My aunt - who doesn't need a costume.

She's a crazy old bat everyday.

I hope she knows I'm kidding.

A frightful sight -

she's giving my oldest a kiss.

A trick or treating neighbor -

the cutest little bumble bee I've ever seen!

My uncle, who's married to the above aunt...for 40 yrs next June!

He's a normal guy - but he's just a big kid.

He lives to pull pranks - you should hear some of the things he and his best friend

did in high school. His best friend's name was Butch...so what do you expect??

Every year he does something to mess with the kids.

Usually he scares them to the point where they need therapy.

Year after year, he gets them so good that they never forget it.

They talk about it for the rest of the year. Seriously.

His pranks are something they wait for -

with enthusiasm and excitement...mixed with total fear and dread.

Nothing is off limits to him.

So when the kids were called to their basement,

they were beyond hesitant.

It took a lot of cajoling to get them to go down there...

when they finally opened the door, turned on the light and

descended the basement stairs, this is what they found...

(this photo has not been altered - and was taken with both of us on the same level)

 (To get the full effect, you may want to click on the picture to enlarge it)

Yes, his knees are in his shoes. And he's holding a "Harpo Marx" horn.

That he honked all night.

I can't look at that picture without cracking up.

And finally...it's onto the 'beasts.

Meet Michael Jackson.

(What a pose, eh?!)

An important note about "Michael's" hair:

He actually put this entire costume together himself.

He didn't have any hair - in fact, he shaved his head earlier that day.

(I told him he could have a "faux hawk" - he's wanted a mohawk for as long

as I can remember. His hair was longer than it's ever been. He declined,

asking me to shave his head instead. What could I do but comply??

Is it good for him to be that "normal"? At 13??)
And he's blond. So he needed a little help...but the Queen,
being broke savvy, wouldn't buy the expensive wig.
So what did the young man do?
~ I'm so proud of him ~

A) Used black construction paper
B) Used black yarn & his extensive knowledge of knots he's learned
from tying up his brother and sister
C) Used wool roving and needle felted
D) Asked one of his equally bone-headed friends to cut off a few of his dreads

 While under normal circumstances, I would choose "D" if I were answering that question (come on..."D" sounds totally like what one of my offspring would do!), I'm proud to say he didn't do that. Nor did he do "A" or "B"...I'm happy to report that my son chose "C", all by himself!

He had seen me needle felt in the past - and when he saw my black wool roving, inspiration struck. He asked for minimal help at first, then completed it all on his own. I helped him cut the hair and adhere it to the inside of the hat - but I'm still shocked he did that. All by himiself. Yay! I don't know whether I'm more proud that he thought of making hair out of roving - or that he knew (mostly) how to do it. You mean they are paying attention to the things I say? I think I'm going to swoon.

I suppose that one of them listening to me go on about art - and absorb the information - is better than them totally ignoring me about everything...which is what I thought was happening. They may end up in jail - but they'll know about art, damnit!

 Funny how that leads so well into the next costume.

Since the oldest isn't allowed to dress up like he's in some gang called the Juggalos, this was his chance.

He had his face painted like the main band members, Insane Clown Posse (ICP). He bought an over-priced shirt from ICP...then, and this is the incredibly phenomenal part...he wanted to buy an expensive "hatchetman" necklace - and again, my broke savvy self said no.

(Don't know what the "hatchetman" is?

 

Now you know.)

So he actually asked for my help - and then made his own pendant.

(I know - it's shocking...a teenager asking their parent for help on something?? Don't worry - I'm calling Ripley's Believe It or Not in just a few minutes.)

He printed out a hatchetman, cut it out of 26 gauge aluminum, sanded it with the Dremel, then hardened it with the hammer and steel block. Then he used metal primer before painting it red with acrylic paint.

I know! Close your mouth - you don't look your best with your mouth hanging open.

I'm just sayin'...it's not your best look.)

This whole experience was such a shocker!

The Princess dressed up as a witch -  a combination "pretty/scary, good/bad" witch.

That made it a bit difficult to do her makeup!

This particular picture makes me smile because it totally doesn't look like her. When she would put that nose on, strange things happened. Not only didn't she look like herself, but she instantly became the ornery, sneaky, mean little witch. Well, at least to her brothers.

 

 

Before long, it was back home to scrub the faces...

(Notice his shaved head?!)

And chain their little bodies to their beds as they each came off their candy high...

and settled into sugar-induced comas.

That's A LOT of Snow

So sending the Princess out to measure the snow with my 18" ruler wasn't so smart.

How was I supposed to know the snow was so deep, 

the ruler would get lost and take 3 people to find it?

With all the snow we've gotten in Denver lately, I can't imagine being stuck without cable. The kids have been on fall break all week, making alcohol drugs cable a necessity. (The only reason I'm not in jail at this point.) Even with cable, they were getting a little stir crazy (and making me flat crazy) after the second full day of being in the house. Our homeowner's association hires a crew that shovels our sidewalks and plows our streets - but it usually takes them forever to get here to do it. The snow was so wet and heavy this week, they were even later than usual. In an attempt to stop the fighting (and protect my very last fragment atom of sanity), I sent them over to shovel the sidewalk of an elderly neighbor. She asked them to knock the wet, heavy snow off her satellite dish - the snow knocked out her satellite connection, meaning she couldn't watch television. Neither of us had a ladder big enough to reach the dish, so the poor woman was out of luck for about 72 hours. We have cable - and had it gone out, I would have frantically pounded on every door in the state - taking hostages until I acquired enough chemicals to be comfortably numb. Then I would have checked myself inot the loony bin.

Oh wait.

 
My house = loony bin. Insane asylum. Circus town. Mental institution. Nut house. Sanitarium. Funny farm. Madhouse. Zoo. Padded cell. Sanatorium. Rubber room. Booby hatch.

We got about 3 1/2 feet of snow with really deep drifts. It was miserable. The 'beasts even got tired of being stuck in the house - they love playing in the snow, but the wind was blowing so hard that the snow came down sideways most of the time. Since the snow was literally blinding, the 'beasts were forced to come up with inventive ways to spend their time - without doing anything illegal...which included an assortment of...umm...things.


For example, our indoor cat Princess, loves to go outside...even though she's not supposed to. Lately, we've been letting her out for short periods of time so she can sun herself on our small front stoop and the sidewalk. Since we've been letting her out, she hasn't gone far - and she comes right back in when you call her.


Princess is not an outdoor cat, though. She likes being warm and comfortable. She's basically my a lap cat. So when it snows, she stays inside...no desire to go outside. She'll sit at the storm door and look out - but that's it. Well, that's it...when the kids aren't on fall break.


Middle son thought it would be fun to have her experience drop her in the snow - and watch her reaction. I could have told you before they even did this that her reaction would not be positive. That she would not find a dunk in the snow enjoyable. However, no one asked me before they did it...and I wasn't aware of the "plan" prior to it happening. I'm in the kitchen piddling around when I hear the front door open. No big deal - the kids had been in and out all morning. No big deal until I see the cat in middle son's arms. I didn't have time to yell "STOP!" - I only got my mouth open...where it stayed, while they proceeded to hold her out straight...and drop her.


One minute there was a kitty. The next there was nothing but a hole in the snow. Make that a moving hole. I'd never seen snow move quite that way. And as I'm open mouthed gaping looking out the window, wondering where the cat is - but knowing she's in the snow, but not believing it - I see it happen.


Princess pulls off the seemingly impossible. She jumps straight up. Horizontally. No vertical definition whatsoever. Totally perpendicular to where the ground would be if it wasn't covered in snow. And not only did she accomplish that, she actually began moving toward the front door...in one very swift movement. Think of the cartoon Scooby Doo and the way Shaggy and Scooby run when a ghost is after them. That's exactly how Princess moved. Home girl shot straight up and toward the safety of the front door. The kids laughed hysterically - and Princess gave them the evil eye for the next two days. She still won't let them touch her.

Doing things like that is what entertained them. I had no idea how many things like that there are to do around here!



We got so much snow. How much snow did you get? We got so much, I almost lost the Princess. 

The Princess is almost 5' tall. She is standing at the end of our street, on the snow that's accumulated on the grass - right behind one of the drifts we have around here.

 

 She had a horrible time getting behind the drift - she had to find a point where the snow wasn't as deep so she could walk through it without sinking into it. It came up to her hips - and who can walk in hip-deep snow? Then again, who wants to??

Just in case you're worried, don't be. The snow didn't get her.

This time.

At one point I sent the Princess out to measure the snow. I gave her an 18" ruler since one of the 'beasts apparently ate the yardstick. See the first set of three pictures to see how well that went.


All-in-all, over three days of constant snow, we got a total of about 40" of snow. The drifts got much deeper than that. Most of the local schools closed all three days - which is basically unheard of. DIA averaged a three-and-a-half hour delay. Businesses closed. I know because there was a constant crawl on the bottom of the tv screen. Twenty-four hours a day. They broke into regularly-scheduled programming. Once they were sure this wasn't the end of it all, they took over commercial breaks in the programming. (I'm sure the advertisers really appreciated that.)


I did get a little vengeance, tho. They spent some of the time highly annoyed. Since they were on fall break, they didn't have school. However, the school districts all around us were out for three days. They miss a lot of snow days - because they are already out of school for some other reason. For example, they return to school Monday...and they're out next Friday for parent-teacher conferences.

Yeah, my heart really aches for them.

And today? Today it's going to be 57. The snow on the streets is now melted. They'll have to walk around huge snow piles while they trick or treat...but it's Colorado, so they're used to it.

I think I'll be adding just a bit of Bailey's to my hot cocoa.

Happy Halloween.


xx,