Sweet Pea is a normal cat - she's short haired, quiet and stays out of the way for the most part. She can usually be found sleeping at the back of my closet or in the back of the bath tub. Occasionally she'll be found in a drawer someone left partially open. She never meows, never misses the litter box, never tries to "escape" outside, eats a normal amount for a cat, doesn't like water and acts, well...like a CAT.
Then we have Princess. Let me tell you about Princess. She has long hair. Which sheds EVERYWHERE. She must be in the middle of EVERYTHING. She sleeps right next to my face. EVERY NIGHT. She tries to "escape" to outside. EVERY TIME we open the front door. When she finally does get out and we tire of trying to catch her, she lets us know she's ready to come back in by clawing her way up the storm door, ripping the screen off the hinges and falling into the eight inch gap between the storm door and front door.
She meows. A LOT. If you sing she tries to get you to stop by meowing. LOUDLY. She eats. A LOT. If her food bowl has less than 1/2" of food in it, she won't eat it. She'll meow - LOUDLY - and follow you around - EVERYWHERE - making sure she's under your feet - until you fill it.
An open window is an invitation to try to open the screen - with her claws. She misses the litter box. A LOT. And she kicks litter. EVERYWHERE. She gets in the sink when you're trying to brush your teeth. And won't move. When you walk down the stairs, she makes it a race and tries to beat you - by running right in front of you, psychically knowing exactly where you were going to step.
She likes to play. With her teeth and claws. She takes anything black as a personal invitation to rub up against you. She licks your hair with her sandpaper-like tongue while you're sleeping. She will only sleep under the covers. (Did I mention she will only sleep next to my face?) If you close the bathroom door, she meows - LOUDLY - until you open it. If you leave the bathroom door cracked, she paws at it until she gets it open. She is the clumsiest cat I've ever seen. She hops up on the kitchen counter and knocks everything over. EVERYTHING. She tries to run off with your food. She'll drink your coffee/milk/water/juice if you don't keep a close eye on it.
She climbs up clothes hanging in the closet so she can sleep on the top shelf. When doing laundry, she climbs in the dryer and won't get out. You pull her out, she hops back in. You pull her out, she hops back in. Doesn't matter if wet clothes are in there or not. She climbs up the front door - and hangs by her front paws - from the little window. She misjudges distances and falls. She chews on everything. EVERYTHING. She has a certain love for paintbrush handles. Especially if they have wet paint on them. Just this morning she found a paintbrush my daughter had left paint on - and while chewing on it, managed to turn the white fur on her face and front paws GREEN.
Sweet Pea is mellow and prefers to hide and come out for the very occasional loving - on her own schedule. Princess chases Sweet Pea around the house until Sweet Pea has no choice but to hiss and scratch at Princess. Currently, Princess has a scratch on her nose from bombarding Sweet Pea. She licks Sweet Pea, follows her around, and nudges Sweet Pea from sleep so she can take over the spot.
All in all, Princess is the most obnoxious cat in the universe. She's also the most adorable. Her long fur is so soft and she's so sweet. I have never seen a more loving cat.
Until this morning. I've been struggling to organize and clean up my studio. I've made a lot of progress in the last two days - accumulating eleven trash bags of things to give away and seventeen bags of trash. (Not all from my studio - I've now decided to get rid of most household things in general.) I was thrilled with my progress. I had even managed to corral the male childebeasts into helping me rearrange furniture and take out trash. There's still a long way to go - but we were well on our way.
This morning I went downstairs. I was minding my own business - I just wanted something to drink. That's not too much for a queen to ask for, right? Something caught the corner of my eye. What IS all that white stuff?
WHITE TRASH BAGS. SHREDDED. ALL OVER.
And no - it wasn't enough that she decided to shred everything. It wasn't enough that she undid all our work. And made more work for us. No. I noticed a nose-wrenching smell. (Why Queen - you can't wrench a nose...you may be thinking. You weren't met with the "aroma" I was.) Where is that coming from?? And while picking up the shredded bags, it hit me. Yes - right about the time I jerked my hand back because things that shouldn't have been wet, were.
She "sprayed" the whole lot of bags. All of 'em. EVERY SINGLE ONE. What is up with that?? How does one cat contain that much? More importantly, WHY?
Anyone have any ideas? I can live with her annoying habits. I can deal with the fact she evidently believes she is human. I can even handle her thinking she is actually a "princess". But this?? Not. I can't hang with this. And I have no idea why she did it...or if she'll do it again.
Ahhhhh There. I had to vent about it - because I'm so annoyed. I'm going to research it online - because I truly have no clue what possessed her to do this. At least she missed the new art I'd created. I have pictures that I want to post - but this came first. There's just something about cats and childebeasts. At least the ones in my house. Just look below.
This picture is perfectly representative of my life with children and cats. My middle son (who is Ace Ventura incarnate) calls me to where the cats are peacefully napping, yelling that the cats "made a GROSS mess!!!!". I come upstairs, take a quick look, mentally curse the idea of having cats, and walk off to get some toilet paper to clean it up. I'm wondering to myself why I always get the job of picking up these sorts of messes, when I hear quiet giggling...that quickly explodes into hysterical laughter. Well, two kids were hysterically laughing and one - my middle son - was cackling. Returning with the toilet paper, I'm now mentally cursing the idea of having kids - and making a note about how I can't wait til they grow up and have their own kids.
I bend over to pick up the mess and that's when I realize...Middle Son had taken a Tootsie Roll, warmed it in his hands and then formed it to look like...well...guess. He thought it was absolutely HILL-arious. As did the other two. And people wonder why I call them CHILDEBEASTS.
(Notice how he placed the mirror by the cats so they could see his handiwork...and how Sweet Pea is looking at the camera like she had nothing to do with it - and how Princess is actually checking it out.)