The End of 2009 & Still at the BACK of the Line - but I Got a Biggun'

"Queen Katherine, what's wrong with you? No blog posts lately, no funny stories, not even any art. What is up with you??"

Don't think I haven't heard the fevered clamoring from you guys. The whispers, sighs, and questions. The pitch is getting quite loud - and being  Queen, I couldn't do that to you, my dear, wonderful, lovely, beautiful readers. (Enough sucking up?) I had to pop in, this last day of 2009, and say...something.

Thank goodness 2009 is ending!

HERE'S TO 2010 BEING MUCH, MUCH BETTER THAN '09 WAS!

I'm big enough to admit that I have six posts half written and saved. Not published. To finish them would require me to complete the research for them...which seems like way too much work. (By research I mean putting in the links, finding pictures, blah blah blah.) So I'm starting over, saving those for another day. Maybe.

Let's examine why a spinal headache is so painful. Get out your No 2 pencils, sit up straight, and pay attention. There will not be a test on this at the end. I'm just too lazy at this point. Come on...I'm already schooling you in something you probably aren't the least bit interested in...so cut me a little slack. Lest I remind you I'm the Queen again.

According to THE QUEEN, and what I feel like writing:

A SPINAL HEADACHE happens when one gets a very small leak in the "sheath", or tough membrane, covering the spinal column. Since I'm now realizing what a pain this would be to explain, without getting into a whole anatomy class, this is going to be the short definition. If I do less than a fantabulous job, click the links at the end and get more information. At least I understand what I'm saying.

Any time a needle is inserted into your spine - whether it's to pull out cerebrospinal fluid (CSF), like a spinal tap, or to put medication in the spine, like an epidural - one can end up with a spinal headache. (Spinal headaches can also happen spontaneously, but it's very rare.) The needle has to puncture the protective "sheath" in order to get to the space where the CSF flows, which is the space where medication is put for something like an epidural. If the needle "hole" doesn't immediately close, CSF can leak through this "sheath". I always think of it like bouyancy - and may be totally wrong, but that's how I think of it. Your brain and spinal cord must be bathed in CSF all the time - they float in it. If the CSF is leaking, there isn't enough to keep the correct "parts" bouyant - your brain literally begins to sink, which is why you have such a severe, please-just-kill-me-now-because-I'm-in-hell, type of headache. It's like when you poke a balloon with a needle - the hole is so small that it's almost impossible to see, but the fluid inside the balloon can still leak out.

Now that I've totally confused you, forget it. Just read what happens here. Or here. Or even here. As an aside, very informative videos on all sorts of back pain, conditions, and treatments, can be found here, put out by Spine Health. Some fifty percent of the adult population will have back problems during their lives, and I highly recommend checking out the videos if you're struggling with any of these issues. Anyway...

The only way to feel better is to lay flat. Standing, sitting, or having your head upright at all, is painful beyond words - and if you cough or sneeze, God help you. You honestly think your head will shoot off - and wish it would. But lay down, and relief comes quickly (depending on how long you were upright before laying down).Usually, the hole(s) close without any intervention, and the headache goes away. But sometimes - unless you're me, in which case it happens all the time - they don't close on their own...and you win another fun medical procedure, called a blood patch - they draw a huge bolus of blood out of your arm, then inject it into your spine. The idea is that the blood cells will find the hole(s) causing the leak, and patch them. Having a blood patch is like instant relief...as soon as it's done, your headache resolves, and you return to a human state again. It's a strange thing, going from a headache that honestly makes you wish you were dead, to no headache at all - but if you're the one with the headache, you don't question it.

So that's where your Queen has been, in spinal headache hell. Not a place I recommend visiting. Ever. I wouldn't even say it's a place for the in-laws.

I was supposed to be having a rhizotomy, or radiofrequency neurotomy, today. The follow up to last week's medial branch block - which is what I ended up having, instead of facet injections. Why stop at injecting the facet joints, with itty-bitty needles - when you can go for the whole branch of nerves, with a much larger needle? The medial branch block went alright, unless you consider that I spent the rest of the week flat on my back, in spinal headache hell. Except for the brief periods of sickness I experienced because of some great new medication for something else.

Mine's Bigger Than Yours!

And

OH MY GOODNESS - IS A BLOG POST JUST A "POST" IF YOU HAVE TO HAVE SUB-HEADINGS??

If you've made it this far, you're at the climactic point of the novel that has become this post. You're on the edge of your seat wondering why on earth I'm not having the rhizotomy right now. So why am I writing you - and not acting as the human pin cusion/electrical conduit? It's all due to my uvula.

No! We don't want to know about your gynecological issues, Queen! Ha - no matter how much it sounds like a dirty word, the uvula is the "punching bag" thingy that hangs down at the back of your mouth, in your throat. Mine is all swollen up for some reason - and you can't have any sort of back procedure when you're hosting an infection. I've had a swollen uvula before - several times. I don't know what causes it - nor do I know anyone else this happens to. I just know the doc won't touch me like this. Is this a minor sidetrack...or a major roadblock?

Who knows. I just know that as the worst year of my life, I'm glad 2009 is drawing to a close...and I won't be sorry to see it go. I hope all of you have a fantastic New Years - but more than that. I hope 2010 is full of love, prosperity, success, great friends, and good health. I mean that. You all have touched my life in ways you'll never know...and I hope your goodness and kindness is returned to you - ten-fold.

 xx,

FedEx Out of Office Blog

Have you heard of FedEx? They are a small company that only operates in little parts of the world - so it's understandable if you haven't ever heard of them...or used them.

Oh come on...I live under a rock and I've used FedEx! Although I've heard of them - and even used their shipping services - I had never considered checking out their website. Well, at least for more than finding out about shipping costs and times. I had no idea what a boatload of information I was missing!

You see, FedEx Office has this most awesome blog, Out of Office. The blog covers all sorts of topics and ideas you're probably interested in, and if you aren't, you should be. Why? Well, like all good things, it has tips and tricks that will make your life easier. More interesting. More creative. And trust me - you will be even more fabulous when you're life is easier, and you're more interesting and creative. Who wouldn't be?

Out of Office focuses on all sorts of grand ideas - and is your new source of inspiration for projects, parties and presents. I'm not just referring to those because it's the holiday time of year...nope. The good folks at FedEx Office have you covered - year round. Woot!

I've already visited the blog several times - and not only because I needed some insider info in order to fill you in. No way - I wouldn't send you to a place I'm not visiting myself. I've moseyed over there - admittedly, at a rather frantic pace - to get some last minute gift ideas and yes, to see about shipping tips and times. Yes, my name is Katherine and I am the Queen of Procrastination.

The layout of the blog is clean and provides super-simple navigation. The sidebar provides easy ways to find the topics you're looking for, links you may find helpful, introductions to the six bloggers running the gig, and a convenient way to check out their templates and tools (this part is coming soon). See what I mean? It's jam-packed with great stuff you need.

If you still aren't convinced, and are thinking you don't do a whole lot of shipping - so what could they possibly offer you, let's see. They have topics like Home Helper, Parent Projects (love their article about repurposing the artwork of kids!), and Business Builder. That's just a small smattering of the topics these talented bloggers discuss.

Keep in mind this is a new blog, so it doesn't have the longest history - and a few parts of it still need some tweaking. From someone who has had a blog for years - and has successfully put off the necessary tweaking - I know it will come. They're off to a fantastic start - and any support you can lend to them, in terms of ideas or comments, will only make the blog better for everyone. Don't let the newness stop you from visiting - rather, I hope it serves as a rallying cry for the readers of my blog to get involved. At least drop by and check it out. You'll be surprised at how great it is - and how many fantastic ideas there are.

 “I wrote this review while participating in a blog tour campaign by Mom Central on behalf of FedEx Office. In addition, Mom Central sent me a gift card to thank me for taking the time to participate.”

It's Confirmed - 2:30 is Too Early to Wake Up!

It's 2:37 am. I think. I can't see the clock real well with all the sleep still lingering in my eyes. It better be 2:37 - or I'm in big trouble.

My aunt should be here in about an hour-and-a-half to pick me up. Am I going to some tropical destination for Christmas - and need a ride to the airport? Cha, right. Is she coming to get me so we can do some early morning Christmas shopping? I don't think so - I'm pretty sure you need money for that. So where am I off to so early in the morning? What fun and exciting adventure could I possibly be embarking on?

Wanna Know More?

RIP Brittany Murphy

I'm so sad. My very favorite actress, Brittany Murphy, was found dead this morning. She was a baby at just 32. Apparently, from what I've picked up on TMZ, Brittany's mom found her unconscious in the shower this morning. It's been reported that Brittany had diabetes - but no confirmation as of yet.

Brittany Murphy was married to Simon Monjack, and the home she was found in has his name on the deed. He has requested no autopsy be preformed...but why??

Wanna Know More?

Need a Better Bed? A Select Comfort Sleep Number P5, Perhaps?

Select Comfort Sleep Number P5 Bed

I need a new bed - so bad. My mattress is horrible and definitely not fit for royalty. Then again, it isn't really fit for a dog, either. Which may explain why the palace's kitties have taken to sleeping on the floor, instead of the bed. I just wish they wouldn't sleep right where my feet hit the floor when I get out of bed.

Wanna Know More?

Art Advice - Continued

QUICK NOTE: Tim Holtz is doing his infamous "12 Tags of Christmas" again this year. It's always stunning to see how talented this man is - he's brilliant!

Onto the second part of yesterday's post. (Didn't know you'd get roped into a second part, did ya?)

Besides the things I brought up yesterday, I've had one other issue on my mind that's been driving me...erm...battier. This is the last time I'll bring this up - I think.

Wanna Know More?

Finding My Artistic Path

I need some advice.

You know I'm all over the place with my art. Fabric owns my heart. I love polymer clay. Painting is incredible. I live to doodle. I adore metal. I'm obsessed with shrink art. I can't get enough of paper. In my opinion, one can never have enough beads. I love pens and markers so much, I dream about them. I literally breathe to make up - and try out - new techniques.

Wanna Know More?

Ostrich Eggs

Click photos to be taken to the artist's website/gallery

 Above: I thought all I needed was an ostrich egg and a Dremel - and let's not forget my ridiculous over-exaggeration of my talent, and the "ease" of this art - to make something this incredible. HA!

Help!

I have a question that is perplexing me...and I need some input. I bought an ostrich egg a few months back - and it's beautiful.

Wanna Know More?

Into Altered Books?

This is the most incredible video on altered books. The paper cutting itself is astounding - I have no idea how NZ Book Council put this together. It's beautiful and kind of....terrifying? I think that's the word I'm looking for. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Wanna Know More?

Meet Claramae

The name Claramae means "bright rebel", at least according to one of the name sites I went a-scouring.

Poor Claramae - her color looks really washed out in this picture. She's much brighter and livelier in person.

I've been playing around with color and fabric lately. Ok, so I've also been messing with glass painting, watercolors, embossing/coloring metals, doodling (zentangles), and a quilt (that started as an art quilt - but has gotten way out of control). The things I've learned - and subsequent results - from the materials I've been experimenting with, will come up in future posts. That's my way of letting you know I haven't been a total slacker - and my weak excuse for where I've been lately. Then again, as a single mom, do I really need an excuse about where I've been? Juggling the kids, a giant court case, more spine injections...oh forget it. I'm too exhausted to even bring it all up.

In Wednesday's post, I showed you how to make this awesome fabric.

Today, I'd like to introduce you to Claramae, the art doll I made with some of this fabric.

She's about 12" tall. I stitched her arms and legs separately - basically because I'm lazy...and had some serious help from the Princess. Doing it that way just made it a lot easier. You can see all her beautiful colors - the darker pieces come from various darker permanent markers, the lighter colors use lighter markers. (Der! Just in case you couldn't figure that one out for yourself.)

I made the pattern - which you are free to print out for your own use, if you'd like. Please do not post it on your site, in a book, or on handouts. If you'd like to use it in your own projects - or for a swap - that's totally fine, have a great time and send me pictures. To use it for any other purpose, please contact me so we can discuss it. (I hate saying that - but too many people without scruples make it necessary.)

I went to work cutting her out, then lovingly stitching and stuffing her. I'm still learning my way around the sewing machine, so yes, I'm aware she's not done exactly right. And that my stitches don't leave a perfectly measured seam all around her. But she's supposed to look like that. Yeah. That's it. She's exactly like I imagined her. Sure.

 

Beautiful eyelash trim makes up her hair. Once she was stuffed and stitched, I used black, purple, and red Sharpies to draw a few symbols on her. Most have no meaning other than decorative - but a few are symbols I seem to draw on everything.

The colors are a little off in these pictures - they are washed out. It's hard to get pictures of really colorful things with my camera. It's probably more operator error than a problem with my Canon PowerShot A560.

I intentionally left her backside plain. She's almost like a two-sided doll - you turn her one way and she's decorated, the other way she's plain. That has to be the stupidest thing I've ever said or written.

Her new home will be on a shelf in my studio, next to Stella. I haven't introduced you to Stella yet - but I will. She's still a work in progress and has been kind of neglected for the last eight months or so...but dang. She's a lot of work! You'll see what I mean when I get her finished and finally introduce her.

Anyway, this is Claramae - my "bright rebel". What do you think of her?

xx,

Happy Turkey Day!

Happy Thanksgiving!

The Princess wanted to make something to share with you for Thanksgiving - so I will keep this short and let her "present" to you stand out as today's post. I did want to share with you that I am thankful for each and every one of you. You guys are my sounding board, my friends, and my sanity. I could not get through the antics the childebeasts pull without you. You guys are the best - and for that, I am thankful.

Here is the special present the Princess made for you. She was very specific: post it on my blog for Thanksgiving, tell you "you're special" and to "remember to be thankful", and to say, "GOBBLE! GOBBLE!".

EDIT: You have to check this video out...consider it the second part of the Royal Zoos Thanksgiving wishes to you.

xx,

Make Your Own Fabric: DIY Fabric

I've been coloring some fabric lately, with a fun technique. The end result can be used in almost anything you want to make - and I chose to use some of mine in an art doll I've named Claramae. We'll get to Claramae later - first I want to introduce you to the technique.

Permanent markers, alcohol, and fabric. Here's a sample of the first step, permanent marker on cotton muslin. This is before the alcohol is added. Actually, it's Claramae...well, before she became Claramae.

One thing I've learned - but have a hard time remembering (besides my name) is that, with this technique, less is better. I have a habit of covering every available inch with color, beads, paint, ribbon, whatever. When doing this process, leaving spaces between the colors makes the colors bleed into each other really well. Marking all over the fabric (like I did) means you have to use more alcohol - and do a lot of blotting with paper towels. The up side to doing it "my" way is that you end up with some wonderfully colored paper (from under the fabric) and paper towels, ready to be incorporated into your next project.

This is a super easy way to make your own fabric/designs. I would not wash this fabric - I don't know how well it would hold up. It may be fine...but I just don't know. But anyone - kids and the "unartistic" - can do this. This doesn't involve nasty, caustic dyes or expensive fabric paints. And you know I'm all about the inexpensive art experience!

Materials

~ Muslin: washed and dried without fabric softener. This removes the fabric sizing and makes it easier to color.

~ Permanent Markers: Sharpies, BIC Mark Its, etc. Different nib widths works well - fine tips tend to leave more of a "line" on the fabric, while wide tips blend and bleed into the fabric better.

~ Alcohol: Either 70 or 90% works. (Or whatever numbers are close to those - I can't remember exactly what the percentages are.)

~ Eye Dropper, Spray Bottle, Q-Tips, Pipettes...anything that will transfer the alcohol to the fabric in an interesting way. I tend to use everything. Why limit yourself?

Draw on your fabric. If you're having a hard time with the fabric shifting, iron freezer paper to the back to provide a stiffer surface. Scribbles, lines, doodles, dots, scribbles, geometric shapes, scribbles...anything you want to draw. I would stay away from drawing actual pictures - they don't show up well. Unless you want recognizable lines, stick to loose scribbles (in case you didn't see that above) and blocks of colors. Like I mentioned before, leaving space between the colors produces a much different effect - coloring all over the fabric creates a lot of excess color that needs to be removed.

If you ironed freezer paper to your fabric, now is the time to remove it. (If you don't, this technique won't work.) Place paper under fabric - it can be newsprint, cardstock, whatever you want to use to catch the excess ink. Give some consideration to whether you want to use the paper in another project, and what sort of paper will be most versatile for you. I used 110# white cardstock - it's strong enough to handle the bleeding without tearing or leaking - but it's truly up to you and what you want to do with it. Just remember, this is permanent marker we're dealing with. You probably want to make sure you have a pretty absorbent paper under the fabric.Unless you want your table/desk/whatever to acquire a myriad of uncontrollable color.

Ok. So we've got the colored fabric on some sort of paper to soak up the excess color...now we're going to spray, splash, spatter, dribble, squirt, flick, spritz, smear, pour, sprinkle, drizzle, trickle, mist, blob, atomize, scatter, drop, the alcohol onto the fabric. Whether you are careful or go for it with reckless abandon, you can't control the bleed. Keep adding alcohol, picking up your fabric and letting it run through the colors. Dab and blot with a paper towel or a piece of paper, when there's a lot of alcohol on the fabric and the color isn't moving any longer. Continue this until the colors disperse to your satisfaction. Lay the piece flat, smooth with your hands, let air dry. (The markers will stain your hands...and you want to let the fabric air dry, not your hands. You can always let your hands air dry, if you want...I don't care.)

Once the fabric is dry, I iron it to kind of heat set it. I don't know if it helps, but I do it anyway. Then it's ready for whatever project you want to use it on - and if you used decent paper and relatively strong paper towels, you've got those to incorporate into a project, too. Yay!

I won't be posting pictures of Claramae until Friday, since tomorrow is Thanksgiving and the Princess made something special for you. But don't miss Friday's post - when I'll introduce you to Claramae, the newest member of our zoo.

xx,

The White Flag of Surrender (Made of Underwear)

If you want to feel old and out-of-touch, take a teenage boy shopping for pants.

I am waving the white flag of surrender. Made of tighty-whities.

You see, I have been jean shopping for my sixteen year old son lately. It's taken us over a month to find something I will pay for. And don't make me want to disown him. Or run up behind him and yank the saggy butt part of his jeans down with one (not so) wild jerk.

What is up with kids? Why does my son find it necessary to let everyone in the universe see his underwear?? He would die if he knew I told you all he wears boxer-briefs...but he has no problem letting the state of Colorado know...he doesn't even care that everyone knows what color they are.

(In order to help some of you other parents rank a little higher on the - unwritten and constantly changing - "cool scale" than I do...apparently, singing "I see London, I see France, I see the mutant's under pants...Might be yellow, might be pink, all I know is they sure do stink!" is not funny to a sixteen year old man-boy. Especially when sung - kind of loudly - in front of his friends...by his decidedly uncool mother. They don't think it's funny even when they're on the phone.)

I threatened to wear my pants pulled down around my knees. Yep, I threatened to "sag". His face froze, contorted in fear, the likes of which I don't recall ever having seen before. Except the time I tried to make conversation with some girl he liked, when she called while he was out getting the mail.When he walked back into the house and found out who I was talking to, you could actually feel the earth stop rotating for a moment. It was like the sound of crickets chirping was some how jacked up by the universe - because that was the only sound audible for several long seconds, while (I assume) he was swallowing his heart back into his chest.

Back to my threat to "sag". I told him I would pull my jeans down around my knees - and go out in public like that. Probably on a day when he would be surrounded by friends. And that I would wear my "mom underwear" - you know, the really hideous pair every woman has shoved to the back of their drawer, that they just can't throw away in case they need it on laundry day or something, but that they never actually wear.

He didn't know this was just an empty threat. That I could never get my pants pulled down like that (because the waist isn't big enough - or isn't big enough to fit like that), and that I would never intentionally embarrass myself like that. (I do well enough embarrassing myself when I don't intend to - I really don't need to work at it.) But that's a mom's prerogative...to occasionally make up crazy things. Things just insane enough to keep her children wondering how imbalanced she actually is. Constantly keeping the 'beasts wondering just how beserk I am is one of my survival skills.

I don't even know how the man-boy can walk. He's gone through countless belts because they don't stretch when he sits down - and they are right around his bum, which increases in girth when you go from standing to sitting. There have been many times when he's walking somewhere, and we all have to stop and wait because he's got to reach down and grab his pants in order to keep them up. Many other times, he's lost them completely - his hands will be full and he'll be waddling along, pants down around his ankles. He's not the most coordinated child, either (must get that from his mom) - and the ankle drooping pants only work against him, to trip him up. Yet he's lost on why he would trip with his pants like that. Just as he's lost when he is unable to find "his size" in most stores. I always try to look surprised that 44x30 isn't a common size.

I'm sure in reality he probably wears a 38x36. Which, for the record, I've had him try on. He claims he can't get them over his thighs. Who am I to argue? I'm just the mom. I suppose I should let up since I'm not the one wearing them. Then again, I am the one subjected to seeing his constant "plumber's butt".

I may have given you the impression this is how he only wears jeans, which would be false. He also wears his Dockers like this, which caused a "discussion" every morning before he left for work (when he was working). Or when we're going to church. Or anywhere else. Which is what finally did me in.

I think I may try sagging - if only in my own home. (Remember, I want them to wonder about my sanity and just how far I'll go with things - not actually be fitted for a straight jacket. Again.) I've decided it really doesn't matter where I sag, it's the sagging in general that will mortify my offspring - and hopefully make them question my sanity unlike they ever have in the past. I'm thinking the idea of seeing a parent sag just may be perturbing enough to get my point across. I've already contemplated the long term results of such an action, and my conclusion is the same as it usually is...the 'beasts will already be in therapy blaming me for everything anyway, why not just add this to the list? I can always deny it later.

Maybe this would be taking it too far? I mean, it could seriously damage them to see their mom in her undies - whether I'm wearing pants around my knees or not. I don't want to do something akin to walking in on your grandma/grandpa while they're in the shower, changing clothes, or worse - getting amongst it. The 'beasts drive me nuts - but I do love them and don't want to damage their psyche. At least not in some really awful way that will never go away. I want to prove my point and get him to stop sagging, but I don't want to do something that would equal seeing your parents involved in some truly obnoxious incident on COPS, being set up on a blind date with your mom/dad, or accidentally hitting the wrong speed dial number on your phone only to "drunk dial" your grandparents.

Hmmm now that I really think about it, maybe I should contact my friend JD, who does all sorts of amusing things. She has a much better body than I do (just check out her nekkid post), and would probably do it - just so I don't have to.

xx,

Scrapbooking Generosity

Scrapbooking from the Inside Out has launched their November kit Generosity, perfect for this time of year. This kit is so graceful and stylish – full of rich, deep color and elegant design, with coins, copper accents, shimmery self-adhesive mosaic tiles, and pretty Prima.

This month they’ll help you explore how you give of your time and money, inspiring a generous spirit in yourself and your family, positive self care vs. selfishness, and the big and small gestures that create connection in your life.

Here are two GENEROSITY-themed LOs from SFTIO’s DT Coordinator, Nancy Doren, that were created using the kit:

Scrapbooking from the Inside Out’s industry-exclusive content will help you explore your inner world with a music playlist, journaling prompts, moving photos, inspiring quotes, and meaningful monthly challenges.

The above was taken from the Scrapbook Trends Blog (a link to the main site - which is jam-packed...STUFFED...with information - can be found here). They are holding a contest to win one of the Generosity kits. For full details, check out this blog post. Scrapbook Trends is a great place to find fresh inspiration and great ideas. If you haven't been there before - and enjoy scrapbooking (digital or traditional) &/or paper crafting - I recommend a visit. There is always something fun to learn!

This site also serves as a portal for the blogs of some really terrific magazines: Cards, Bead Trends, Scrapbook Trends, and Simply Handmade. No matter which artistic alley you find most interesting, this is like the mecca for creativity and information!

xx,

Wix's Halloween Gift

In a surprising (semi) continuation of yesterday's post, look what I found last night...

Although this man and woman look innocent enough...

&

They definitely have a little crazy running through them...

I have no idea who this is...but what a great face to demonstrate "crazy"!

Why would I say that about such seemingly normal people?

I was gathering laundry yesterday and came upon something that took me aback. I wasn't expecting it at all. I had to wait for Wix to come home so I could ask him about it - and it turns out, those seemingly normal people gave it to him in his Halloween bag.

What, exactly, did I come across?