Fantastic Movie!

Since I have now officially turned this into a blog of all sorts, I have a new movie everyone MUST see. It's the best flick I've seen in a long time - and I watch a lot of movies.

It's called Fracture - with Anthony Hopkins and Ryan Gosling. Anthony Hopkins plays this diabolical homicide suspect, Ryan Gosling is the prosecutor. They go round and round - did Anthony Hopkins kill his wife or not? There are turns you don't see coming - and the ending is superb. You've got to check it out - I promise you will be hooked into the plot!

On another note, I'm feeling much better after sleeping for the most part of 14 hours. Before crashing out, however, I found a fantastic online support group for the issues I'm battling. If anyone is interested in learning more about Cushings - and the symptoms and things a "Cushie" goes through, I invite you to check out the information posted at With all the research I've done online, this is by far the best Cushings site I've come across yet. Cushings is so rare that most people don't know what it is - or how it affects us. I am very relieved to find others who struggle with the same issues I've been having - and now I know I'm not alone. It's exasperating to hear people say "just lose weight", "exercise and eat better", or "just shake it off!". Apparently most Cushies hear that - and diagnosis is difficult. As much as I had learned about this disease from my endocrinologist and from online research, I had never known that Cushings shortens your lifespan, that even when "treated" most are usually not free from this wicked disease, it is a very isolating disease, that depression and anxiety are all part of the Cushings game, and that even when you've had the surgery to remove the tumor(s) from the pituitary gland - many people have to have a second, or even third surgery.

I haven't completely grasped that this will affect me for the rest of my life - I can't even grasp getting the dishwasher unloaded! But at least I now know why I just can't get my studio put together and can't function normally.

If you have a few minutes, please check out the Cushings site I'm talking about. It would make a difference if even one more person is educated on this disease.

Oh Waah!

Ok, so this is quickly turning into some sort of emotional break down blog...but if you follow along with it long enough, one of two things is bound to happen. Either you will witness - firsthand - my complete and total mental collapse...or I will get back to art. They both have an equal chance - and who knows...I'm a mom...I'm good at multi-tasking. Maybe I'll wind up producing art from an institution??

Today is another crap day. I don't feel good at all and nothing is going right. I just want to know when this health stuff is going to wrap up. I never thought I would feel 92 at my age. I know my kids (and their friends) think I'm ancient, but in the scheme of things, I'm really not.

I know, waah, waah, waah! I know there are others who have it worse...and still others who have it better. And it's not my place to judge why people get certain obstacles to overcome. But GEEZ! Sometimes I get in the frame of mind where I want to judge - why is that person, who is totally rude and incredibly undeserving, have _____? Or why doesn't that person, who so deserves good things, not have _____? Which all brings me back to best friend.

I know it's been a really long time since I talked about best friend. To make a long story short, she's back in my town. She's still in total isolation and I can't see her - and she's not supposed to have a phone. But she has some how managed to sneak in a cell phone. (Makes me laugh to think of how she does this stuff!) I've spoken to her a few times - we have to be careful so she isn't caught by the nurses, but we've still spoken. And it's weird - even though she was unconscious for almost 2 years and we didn't get to talk, the first time she called it was like no time had passed at all. (Maybe that's a huge hint that I need to get a life??) She is still not well - she is still extremely weak, has therapy most days and is bedridden. She cracked me up when she said her arms don't really work - well then how does she use the phone?? Maybe that mental picture - and the hilarity of it - is lost on those who don't know best friend.

She is so awesome - and I mean that in every sense of the word. She is in extreme pain all the time - bone pain - and the medications aren't enough to cut the pain. But to talk to her, you would never know she's in all that pain or that she's probably never leaving the hospital. Her outlook is as positive as ever and she remains the funniest person I've ever met.

So there's the question for the can some people be in her horrible situation and remain so positive and sweet...and then other people (who will remain nameless) have it all and not realize it? He probably won't read this...which really doesn't matter...but he knows who he is.

I just don't get it.

You Just Never Know...

Not that this has anything to do with art in a direct sense...but hang with me for a sec.

This morning, I woke up not feeling well. They still haven't pinpointed my diagnosis (as frustrating as that is!) so I remain in medical limbo. (Note: Avoid if possible!) I ached all over and had a really hard time getting the childebeasts going. It's tough to get out of a warm bed when it's frigid outside - especially when it's so dark in the mornings! The three of them will do anything to prolong their stay in bed for an extra 30 seconds. It might even be comical to me if I didn't have to put up with it every morning!

I get everyone off and sit down at the computer, glad to have some peace and ready to divert my attention from my own sucky-as-of-late life, onto something more interesting. I read all the daily digests from the various art groups I belong to. I usually choose a few blogs to check out from the posts in the groups and enjoy looking at what everyone else has created. This morning was a little different. I had extra time to spend on the computer and a yearning to connect with someone. This illness has sidelined me - I don't go out much. Ok, so I only go out to appointments. Which means I can spend weeks in the house without any human contact except what I have with the beasts (human and otherwise). There are stretches of time that I don't even know what the temperature is outside (except for hearing it on the news) - and if not for my extremely nosey kids, wouldn't anything is going on outside my front door. (Told you it was a sad life these days!)

I was feeling a little isolated this morning and drowning in this personal pity party I had thrown for myself. (No, I didn't even have streamers or a cake.) So I began looking at every one's blogs. I got to see Michi's really cool trip through Italy. I read a post by Wendy (from ClothPaperStudio) that absolutely cracked me up, as she used the term "faffing about" for fooling around or wasting time. (The terminology made me laugh - but I also spend way too much time "faffing about" so it gave me a new catch phrase.) While responding to her post (to let her know I think she's a riot), I accidentally emailed Jodi - which gave me a chuckle. If not for the one remaining brain cell...She actually emailed me back to let me know she does stuff like that as well. Phew!

I continued looking at blogs and checking out some lovely pieces. It's funny that most of the blogs I checked out had recent posts apologizing for not posting - and referring to being in art slump. (For the record, I'm not in a slump - I just can't get to all my supplies. Ever since I gave it a huge effort to build my studio in the living room, my entire stash is...out of commission. Until further notice.)

Then I came upon a blog I hadn't seen before. It was by Luna. Her latest post was about slowing down, leaving others to deal with their own dramas, and focusing inward. (Go read it for yourself - there's some great stuff in there!) I emailed her to let her know how much her post touched my heart and pulled me out of my pity party this morning. How, reading her post, made me see that I'm not the only one encountering a rough time. Being alone so much warps my brain - and I forget I'm not this island. There are other wonderful women out there to connect with. And that is just what happened this morning.

I received the nicest email in return from her. What exactly was said is something I will keep personal - but I will treasure her words for a long time. The simple reminder that we are all in this together, and that every parent has battles and struggles (especially with teenagers - who would be much easier to banish to a real island than deal with, sometimes!), and that just getting up in the morning is sometimes half the battle.

Rarely do I get choked up from an email - but her words were so sincere and encouraging that it was hard to choke down the growing lump in my throat. And that is what I mean about art influencing your life - even when it isn't an actual piece that resonates with you.

Art can change your attitude, day or life with the people you meet through the creative medium. I know Luna's note to me changed my attitude and my day - and definitely made my trek a little easier.

And that's why I'm grateful I have art in my life.
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