What's WRONG with Me??

Or...
Oh Snap - I'm Losin' My Crap!
It's All Over the Map - and I Can't Get it Back!


Yep, this will be an all-over-the-place post. Where I whine. I have so many things I want to post (I've been saying this for how long now?) - and the list seems to get longer everyday. But for today, my dear and loyal readers, I'm begging you to answer the question asked in the title...What is WRONG with me??

If I don't get a grip - quick - I'm gonna flip.

I will admit, thanks to Angelika, I have PMS. I think. Wait. Angelika didn't cause my PMS. She isn't even the reason for my PMS. A post she made just opened my eyes to the (extreme) possibility that PMS is my problem. What else could make a normally (semi) sensible Queen lose her jewels?

Here's the basic skinny. I've been beating myself up for not getting everything posted lately. It isn't like I can't fit it all in - I mean, there are plenty of days I don't get my rear around to posting. I have superb intentions - it just doesn't happen. It occurs to me that many things in my life are like that - I have the best intentions of finishing up the laundry. Of cleaning the house. Of...well, does it really matter what else? Point is, if we're grading on intentions or meant-tos, my chart is overflowing with gold stars. What's that you say? It's all about what we actually get done? Well forget it then. I suck at getting things done. I start out with a bang - and quickly end with a pfffft. My sizzle turns to fizzle. Why?

I really enjoy the bloghopping I do. I may not comment often, and I'll admit it's because I kind of consider dropping my EC as a sort of unofficial "I like your blog and came by for a visit today. Thanks for taking the time to post." thing.

As much as I adore the blogs I frequent, I'm beginning to feel a bit inadequate. I know I've gotten familiar with some really fascinating people by reading their blogs. But I'm feeling...well...deflated. I guess. I don't understand how you all do what you do - in such a short amount of time! How does that...happen?

I spend several hours dropping everyday. I don't consider it a waste of time - it's more like checking in on friends. I don't just drop my card on a blog and quickly move on. I read the most recent post, following any links included in the post. I follow things in the side bar. I look back at old posts (especially if it's a new blog I've found.) It can take me an hour to drop 10 cards. But even on the blogs I come across and don't care for, I still read up on. I want to make sure I'm giving the person a fair chance. I am just not able to drop and bolt.

To write a post for my own blog takes me a couple of hours, usually. (This would be due to my inability to pay attention for long. And my children's inability to let me pay attention to anything - besides them - for long.) I'm just not someone who sits down at the computer, pounds out a post in 5 minutes, and logs off. I cannot quickly put a post together.

And then we have my art. I have been in such a creative mood lately - but have I made anything? No. I've been glued to the computer. I have 3 swaps I'm in that I really need to make my stuff for...but I haven't yet. (Bad, bad, baaaddd me.) My creativity is much like my post-writing. It doesn't go quickly. I agonize over choices. I drag everything out. I play with the supplies, laying this here and that there - to see which option I like best. I care about the arrangement of things and firmly believe in quality over quantity. Maybe I'm not very talented - I can't draw and paint like John Wright, knit like Paige, design like Lisa, take pictures like Jo, or paint like Karen - so I have to work harder at it. It doesn't feel like work to me - I love it. Just don't expect me to be quick.

So this is my question. How in the world do all these amazing people get everything done every day?? How is it possible to drop 300 cards, catch up on the blogs your interesting online friends write, post (sometimes more than once!) to your blog every day, work on your craft, take care of your kids/pets/significant other, run a household, do everyday "life" stuff, some work outside the home, maintain a social life, attend religious services, cook, and remain sane?

I just don't get it. I can't create great things, blog, take care of the 'beasts, get to appts, do paperwork, blah blah blah (that's me, sparing you the exciting details) - all in one day. It isn't possible.

My house is thrashed, my hair needs coloring, my finger/toe nails are screaming for attention (and a coat of paint wouldn't hurt, either), my muse is hollering at me to create, I have a whole list of things to post. I have an ever-growing list of things I want to learn about blogging (getting more traffic, researching interesting topics to write about, moving up in the search engines), I have paperwork galore (most due last week), homework to help with, Woot Loot to mail, a new Woot Loot to come up with for May, and five domain names I registered four months ago, with no site up yet. I'm not advertising my art (or my website, which should be the place I sell my art, as well as cool items for artists/crafters) - then again, I'm not creating any new art, my laundry is piled to the ceiling (well, not quite...yet), and did I mention whore cat had 4 kittens about a month ago...bringing our total of cats to eight?

The new Hallmark card is out and I'm wanting to do the official "press release", as well as some big contest to get the word out and talk people into buying the card so we can win. I still haven't gotten a car, I have medical tests I should have scheduled months ago, dishes piled to capacity in the sink, and there are promises I've made to my blog designer, I haven't kept. (But I want to!!) I have commitments I'm not keeping up on, my poor art journal is only getting about 10 minutes a day (and that's just before I zonk out at night), I haven't taken pictures of the things I'm going to offer on my new website (TheCraftyQueen.com) - and the pictures I have taken, have yet to be uploaded or "polished".

There are some new techniques I want to play and experiment with, but haven't. I want to get a book published, don't have a clue where to start there. I want to get back to my business of art - instead of just talking about it.

Did I mention the oldest 'beast is in quite the predicament I need to deal with? He's had an IEP since pre-school because he was diagnosed with bipolar and ADHD when he was two. Yes, I said 2. He has required special help in school...well...forever. He's never not had that. Due to the poor way Colorado deals with kids who have special needs (ie - whether they are ready or not...whether they understand or not...whether they've done the work required to move to the next grade or not...they will NOT hold a child with an IEP back - so I'm left to try to help my now almost 16 year old son learn how to survive...with an education that amounts to basically, a FOURTH GRADE level - and he's going to be a junior next year)...So, due to the poor way Colorado deals with kids who have special needs by passing them on, no matter what, we have a problem. Special ed - and all services going along with special ed and IEPs - suddenly STOPS in 11th grade. POOF! He will be going from a self-contained classroom (which he's not doing well in), to no services whatsoever. Been nice knowin' ya - good luck!

I went to the high school he attends - and it's huge. Not big. HUGE. College campus-like huge. 4,500 or so students. And he'll be expected to take "normal" junior level classes. Without supervision or help. He won't make it.

So I've been looking into online high schools. Why the drastic switch? Because our only other option is a ridiculous program the school recommends - which is our only option through the school district. Basically, this program is a place where they dump the kids who have problems (mostly legal and drug problems), and babysit them for 2 years. The kids go to school from something like 8-12. There really aren't any expectations for these kids. And the way I see it? I've got two years left to get this boy where he needs to be in order for him to be a successful, productive adult in society. I have aspirations for him to work somewhere other than McDonald's or WalMart for the rest of this life...which is the track he's on now.

Knowing I'm the only person who seems to struggle with getting it all done (and so quickly!), along with oldest son's education dilemma, has worn me out. I'm frustrated. I'm tired. I'm...you get the idea. I just want to...get it all done! lol And I don't get why I can't. What is wrong with me that I can't get everything done like everyone else? What am I doing wrong? What is the secret no one's ever told me?

Seriously, I want to know. How do you make sure you get everything accomplished everyday? What is your secret to making sure you have time to blog, time to create, and time for the fam? Someone has got to tell me. I'm counting on you guys. I need to learn some time management tips. So spill 'em. This may feel like PMS right now (or may even be PMS) - but it's about to turn into a long term bad mood. And no one wants that.

Oh my. Could this have been any whinier? Geez! Not even any fun pictures to look at. Sorry. Normal programming to return tomorrow. I hope.

xx

11 Royal Responses:

Lenox Knits said...

Oh Katherine, I really wish I had the answers for you or at least had something witty or inspiring to say to you to help get you through this difficult day/year. If it helps to know that we all feel overwhelmed and like everyone else must have some answer that we don't. I think I sometimes overcompensate for how together I am to the world since I feel so inadequate for not having kids.
I can only imagine the worry and fears you have for your son. I can't believe how poorly he is being treated as he ages out of services at his school, no child left behind my butt. I hope he finds his way to a counselor or someone at his school takes an interest in him to find a program that will help him to find his way.
Don't feel bad for getting this stuff off your chest. If you can't turn to your blogger friends than who can you turn to. And don't feel bad about giving yourself some time to get your priorities in order. If that means focusing on your website and stepping away from the blog for a few weeks, then that is what you have to do. It sounds to me like you have too many things that are on your plate all at once. Maybe figuring out what the immediate concerns are and focusing yourself on those might be a start. If you need to talk shoot me an e-mail.
Paige

Guest said...

If you are truly interested in online high schools, I would encourage you to take a look at my website: http://BestOnlineHighSchools.com.

Feel free to ask questions in the forum over there.

onawhimsey said...

Katherine, I really don't know how you manage to cope with all that you do anyway without being able to find the answer for you on how to achieve what you would love to achieve.

All of us are overwhelmed and often nobody knows it except ourselves. Look at the examples you threw up. You see only a side of them not what really goes on behind the scenes. I think we all have situations where the mind tells us what we want to do, should be doing etc when in reality it is IMPOSSIBLE! So, often I read blogs where the writer is so fluid and appears to be getting so much done and then look at my life. By other people I might not be busy but others again, I am. It is all relative. When the kids were small I used to panic at what I thought needed doing. Then took a deep breath, usually in the loo, and let it out slowly. Now shutting out the world for a couple of minutes my mind was able to start making sense of the important things I wanted and COULD do. Then it was time to enter the real world again and be able to cope. Break all the mountains down into little hillocks and it will be much easier to achieve.

Good luck! I do love reading your posts, they are inspiring and give a wonderful insight to 'the blogger' which otherwise would just be another blog! ;)

Nancy said...

Don't, can't and won't is my answer. I don't have the energy to get everything done, can't seem to find the time so I won't worry about any of it! That's how I try to deal with it, that gets me through the day :)

Joe said...

You certainly have a full plate. I have no answer for you, but don't beat yourself up over not doing anything perfectly. Just continue to do what you can, to the best of your ability, at that time. Ok, maybe a blog post may not be Pulitzer material, it still will be darn good. If you have 10 minutes to produce something, then do that.
Life isn't a race.

Angelika said...

Um, I drop the most on the weekends, when a lot of people don't blog, so I've already seen their latest post.

I cannot believe you read a blog that doesn't interest you. I can't do it. I can't even finish a book that bores me. I admit to feeling a little guilt for not sticking with it, but I get over it.

You MUST make time to do other stuff, LOL. You can also schedule some posts. So on the days you're feeling particularly verbose, just post-date a couple of blog posts to give yourself some time off.

Blogging shouldn't be a job. It should be a joy.

bem69 said...

I feel the same way right now, I don't seem to have the time to do anything, I have all these things set in my mind, but I end up procrastinating and feeling bad about my un-achievements. I have no idea how I can do 600 EC drops, make two posts on two blogs and yet, still create illustrations and designs. Its tiring even when thinking about it.

I don't know if this may help you. I read in another blog that you can try creating a two lists, daily goals and weekly goals. Set realistic goals daily and the weekly goals is there to make sure you complete the daily goals you couldn't complete on one day and had to defer it to the next day. If you complete your daily goals, make sure you don't add other tasks on that day, according to the article this action keeps you motivated as you feel you've accomplished the goals you've set on a day. Save the energy for the next day and next set of daily goals.

Oh and pardon my English. Hope what I'm saying makes sense to you.

Good luck and don't give up. You've got the readers to back you up for support.

:)

One Creative Queen said...

OH. MY. GOODNESS.

Could you guys BE any better??? Not! I am so touched by each comment...and I can't tell you what it means to me to have such fantastic readers. No. Such phenomenal friends.

Sometimes you write, thinking no one is reading. The transparency of my heart came through in this post - something I don't normally throw out so blindly. I'm glad I did - you guys, who have taken the time to leave me a comment - and a piece of yourself - have rejuvinated my soul and energized my spirit.

I can't thank you enough for doing that...just as I can't thank each of you enough for just being yourselves. You've made a difference in my life.

And now I'm stopping...before this gets ridiculously dramatic. ;)

Love to each of you,
Katherine

babygirl said...

overwelmed is more like it.
its certaintly not pms,lol.
i dont have an answer for this either because when i started to read your post i kinda felt releived and its because i was like yes this is me and i didnt have the time to write that all out or the energy to do it either. but i im going thru the same thing as you and i gotta tell you i feel you it sucks i just dont see how some of these people have so much time to do all of these things lol.
i im happy they can do it but i just wish i knew how they do it.
as far as your 16 yr old goes my son is 15 and i had to put him in an academy school because he also has a learning disability and all they do is pass him along just like you said but this school is small unlike the huge college type schools that are out there these days.
he has maybe 10 kids in his class and gets more one on one time with the teachers and its helped i have seen progress although it might not be enough just because he hasnt been there long enough i may also try to get him involved in some ype of learning school where its one on one because i was a high school drop out myself and i do not want him to follow i want better for him too. my question to you is do you know of an academy school in your area and if not maybe a small school structure might even do better i believe that children tend to get lost in a big or huge school and the small er the school size the better for them

Lola said...

I can't believe your school district dumps a child at 11th grade. Doesn't that wreak havoc with their graduation rates? Aren't districts worried about that?

Where my kids attend school in Illinois they provide special ed services through 12th grade and have programs to transition to work or technical school or college. My daughter is in special ed because of her mental illness, my son is in special ed because of learning disabilities. I feel very fortunate that we were able to move to this school district because when we were in Chicago the school psychologist claimed to have tested my son (at the time in the 3rd grade) and told me he would never be able to attend college, never be able to work a job of any substance and was not capable of having the life skills necessary to live on his own. When I told this to his current school they couldn't believe it and said that the previous school was wrong. My son went on to make honor roll every marking period, EVERY marking period except for the most recent (because his sister was hospitalized for 2 suicide attempts, his grades slid a bit, but that's understandable). My son is mainstreamed for gym, science, history and elective courses. He gets A's in history, it's his favorite subject. Thank goodness I didn't believe the school in Chicago and I continued to push him instead of give up on him.

Are there any other school alternatives that you have? Is moving to another district an option? Home schooling?

Lisa - Alterity said...

Well, Katherine...It's not that easy, and it all doesn't always get done! My top priority is my blogging and dropping. I, too, will take the time to read the most recent post, maybe comment, drop and move on. Unless the post is the same one from the day before. It is time consuming, but worth it, in my opinion. My blog does generate sales. I use EntreBar for dropping...I click open 20 pages at a time, go clean for 15 minutes while they load, come back and read and drop. Open 20 more, go clean for 15 minutes, come back and do the same thing. This keeps up until my house is clean or I have 200 drops...whichever comes first. It's usually 11am by then and I start at 8am Then, if I'm not babysitting my husbands girls children, taking care of my own sick kids or getting to a doctor/dentist appointment, it's in the studio until 3pm. Then my kids come home from school, I make dinner, help with homework, maybe do a little dropping here and there. the remainder of my drops occurs at about 9pm. My kids also go to thier father's every other weekend, so I lock myself in the studio those weekends to catch up on work not done. it is really hard getting people to understand I am trying to run a business here (husband mainly...the kids will at least help me with administrative tasks). I really wish I had time to get more done, but until I get support from my household, I guess you gotta do what you gotta do. I did, however, tell my husband that I am not baby sitting anymore after tomorrow. His girls don't want anything to do with me as far as a mother goes or otherwise, but they want all the benefits of a grandma and this has to stop. He then told the girls that they have to try harder at having a relationship with me if they want me to babysit, but my take is if they can't do that on their own in 10 years, I don't want it now. Its a shame I have to threaten taking away free babysitting (I do it so my hubby doesn't get mad) for them to try to treat me human. Go figure.
Hang in there, Katherine, and don't be afraid to experiment with ideas to get more done. And get yourself an entrebar...go to entrecard blog to get it!

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