A Week in Review...Just for You

I'm sorry for not dropping or replying -
I promise to get back at it as soon as
my problems stop multiplying!

This has been the longest week
and I need some therapy.
My state's health system is single-handedly
being supported by only me.

You may have noticed
I have not been around -
And it isn't because
I've been polishing my crown.

I knew we were facing
a full week of craziness
with appointments, school
and just life business

But I had no idea, really
how exhausted I could get
between the absurd schedule
and my sleep deficit

You heard from me Monday
which was my last day of sanity
before the week took off
and knocked the wind out of me.
(Sanity, as used in this case, refers to my schedule. Don't worry. I'm not crazy enough to use it to refer to my mental status.)

So Monday was pretty normal
or as normal as it can be
in this queen's noisy castle
which houses 3 wild banshees.

Tuesday started with a loud alarm blare
at an hour so early it should be a sin
People were actually out and about (and functioning!)
when we arrived for our 7:10 check in.

We spent that day at one
hospital for over five whole hours
while the oldest 'beast ate breakfast
that was full of nuclear power!

Each hour there was an x-ray
of my son's glowing belly -
they were viewing the placement of
the toast, eggs, and jelly.

When they had all their pictures
and we were (finally) free to go
We had to bust a move and boogie
since the morning moved so slow.

It was off to do my errands
and run all around town
Before it was my turn
to rock the hospital gown.

I was so burned out
by the time that we got home
All I could do one thing
and that was sit upon my throne.
(I don't mean the "throne" found in most commoner's homes.)

Wednesday, again began with a jolt
I rushed the 'beasts out the door
I was to check in at another hospital
at 11 o'clock - on the third floor.

My doctor had scheduled me
for what's called a myelogram
because my leg keeps swelling up
like I'm Elephant Woman*.
* WARNING: The picture in the link is really disturbing. If you can't stomach images of gross disfigurements, please don't look. Also, my leg doesn't look like that...I'm just making a point. lol)

(This is not so good
on the dating scene -
it isn't so attractive
if know what I mean.)

Before I go on any further
I should probably explain
exactly what is making
the royal family so lame.

The oldest beast of mine
has a really bad gut
every morning without fail
the kid throws up.

This has been the case
for several long years
but he refused a doctor
I suppose out of fear.

Then I told you about
my grossly swollen leg
I just want to make sure
I don't have the plague.

So for the last few weeks
we've had doctor appointments galore
I don't think it's possible
we could have had any more.

I hope the short explanation
I gave you here
helps to make
all this craziness clear.

Ok. So Wednesday was full
of nurses, needles and x-rays,
and of thoughts of me
getting up and running away.
(The lackluster, openbacked gown
convinced me to stay.)

After a day of injections and contrast
slid deep into my spine
"I wanna go home!"
was all I could whine.

I'll admit I silenced my whining
and did not complain a lot -
you'd have done the same
with a doc that flippin' hot!

It was onto the next phase in my fun
a ride on the bed of the CT scanner.
I was glad to be alone and almost done
because I had all but lost my bedside manner.

Wheeling me back down
to the safety of recovery
Every time I moved
it all but killed me.

I declined all the pain meds offered
trying to be brave, tough and strong.
"Why didn't someone examine my head?"
I wondered before too long.

My aunt drove me home
and I hobbled - slowly - up to my bed
and so began 24 hours of
keeping my body as flat as my head.

Thursday rolls around
and I wake up to discover
my uvula is totally huge -
it's swollen as a mother!

Why can't I swallow?
OMG What's the deal?
I can hardly breathe
Are you kidding - is this for real??

Then I realize it must be
a reaction to the contrast dye
so I push the panic down
to a level a little less than the sky.

Wait...Die? DIE? Did someone say die?
I thought the releases were just formality
I thought those were...just...
for protection - you know, a legality.

It was then I chose to roll over
and felt a painful ZING! everywhere
"I will be in bed all day!"
The Queen did loudly declare.

I called the hospital about my uvula
and they confirmed it was a reaction
so I laid back down and settled in
for a day lacking any action.

This brings us to Friday
which, sadly, was just like Thursday
except for the swollen uvula
and I could sit up all the way.

Oh - on Friday afternoon
I did go out for a bit
it was so exciting -
how could I forget?

I went to the medical supply store
to get something special, just for me...
I got to buy compression stockings
they are beige and go up to my knee!

Now I know that's exciting
and you wish you were so cool
but unless you have Elephant Woman leg
you will only get to drool.

And this sums up my week
and why I haven't been here
I'm sorry for the absence -
now someone please pass me a beer.

Even tho it's true
that I really don't drink
I think I've earned one or two this week -
what do you all think?

(And to think this very next week
I get to repeat the same routine
going between two hospitals...
I think I'll need caffeine.)

xx