Google Thinks The Queen Sucks

Right off the bat, let me say I'm confused.
I looked back at my blog, and I have well over 100 comments. (I have many more than 100, but I'm too lazy to count them all.) On around 250 posts. According to Google Analytics though, I suck. And I'm awful lonely.

I've checked my stuff on GAG (Google Analytics Gauge) several times over the years. I never get any information. There is always some issue with my blog that prevents GAG from reporting. I always dutifully fix whatever issue GAG claims, only to remember to return a few months later and find another issue. This has been my relationship with GAG.
Nanny Goat in Panties 
After reading Nanny Goats in Panties today, I was curious what some of the search terms are that people use to find my blog. I turned to my trusted nemesis GAG to figure it out.
Apparently, according to the figures displayed (rather largely) by GAG, my blog has enjoyed a sudden popularity, although it's a bit confusing when looking at the raw data. You see, to this point The Queen Speaks (um, the name of the blog you're currently on) has never had a visitor. Ever. My statistics have remained at zero. They haven't budged. It has been the one thing I could count on in life.
Surprise! While checking GAG this morning, I was shocked. Stunned. Amazed. The Queen Speaks (that's the blog you're on, remember?) has enjoyed a sudden surge in visitors. This little ol' blog has gone from a record low and high of zero, to SEVENTY-SEVEN! I'm not kidding...look:
Isn't that impressive? Just don't look too closely at the top half of the screen shot - it says all my stats remain at zero. I was very excited by this news. It was like learning all the voices I hear aren't coming (only) from my head. Until I looked at this page:
How can this be? I just had a surge in people finding my blog - a whole 77 of them! How can I be down 100% - when I started with nothing? Wouldn't I have to remain at nothing - or get less than 0 visitors - to fall 100%?
I'm so confused. I don't know if I should have 77 thank you notes engraved, or bring back the black veil in anticipation of my 100% drop.

On a side note: I apologize for not responding to comments and generally being rude lately. Remember how bad Hive Girl was? Of course not - I had no readers. (Does that mean I also made up the comments?) The reaction she had when I originally posted was nothing compared to the latest go 'round.
As of Friday, she went into full anaphylactic shock. She almost died. We now have an epi-pen that she cannot go anywhere without. We are going to see an allergist/immunologist this morning - I will post more about it tomorrow - but please keep your fingers crossed we figure this out. Even with the epi-pen, there aren't any guarantees. I'm pretty unflappable - just look at my children. They scare me but haven't run me off...yet. However, I am really scared about Hive Girl's condition.


12 Royal Responses:

Patricia Rockwell said...

I have yet to figure out those analytical sites myself. Not just Google's. It often seems the better you do, the worse they claim you're doing. I wouldn't worry. Your readers are here and we know you're there.

Michi Michaelson, Orange County, CA said...

Hi Queen Katherine! I'm the LAST one to know how to do these computer doo-dads . . . but I just wanted to THANK YOU for visiting my blog and leaving such a nice comment! There are two reasons I was able to squeeze in time to do the tutorial (I'm glad you liked it!!!) . . . I'm BARREN . . . and I'm RETIRED!!!! I'm still unbelievably busy, though . . . it's a FUN busy for a change . . . I love reading your blog! You are VERY creative and a total HOOT!!!! Have a WONDERFUL day!!!

Ann said...

Even though I'm probably not really here I wanted to leave a comment and let you know that I'll be thinking of the princess and hope she gets better soon. Tell her no more scaring the wits out of the queen :)

Michelle | Poster Printing said...

Google analytics may have glitches? They do handle a lot of accounts, maybe they just miss out sometime.

FishHawk said...

Quite obviously, the answer is just that you have attracted a lot of people who don't count. On that one particular day, 77 who do count came by for a short visit. Now, if you can figure out what you did on that particular day, maybe they will come back and bring more with them. Of course, since you appear to be hysterically happy with all of us who do not count, it might be better to just leave well enough alone.

P.S.: I hope they find what is going on with the Hive Princess soon. The cause of my wife's hives is vasculitis (they think).

Lenox Knits said...

Hmm. VEry odd indeed. Have you tried to reinstall the Google Analytics code. I don't know much about it but I do remember there being some html code that I had to install for GA to start tracking my blog. I'm guessing that something is wrong with your code.

Hope the princess doesn't give you any more scares.

Lin said...

I don't bother with the counters and stats--it will drive you nuts. Just have fun and the rest will take care of itself.

Mrs. Mecomber said...

GOOGLE, bah! Just the name drives me insane these days!!!

My traffic has been low, too. I have been attributing it to either everyone is on vacation, or maybe people are using Internet proxies more often... due to the news headlines recently about Google logging in everything we do and go on the Net. Firefox even has an anti-Google proxy type plugin. A lot of my stats are either empty or they look weird. Like Lin says, forget the stats; they'll drive ya nuts.

I am very sorry about your daughter! OMG! I pray she improves quickly.

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

I can't figure out that stupid GAG report either. The ups and downs make no sense to me.

Hey! Thanks for the linky poo, love!

Also? I have to go back and read your hive post, as I have a close (and horribly itchy) relationship with red welts myself.

Also? This post cracked me up.

Katherine (a.k.a. Katie) Corrigan said...

All hail the Queen! congrats on the google analytical thing ( I still can't figure my stuff out)! I put a visitor counter on my blog and that tells me how many people show up but who knows how many stay and read.
Also, I read the latest on hive girl, poor sweet thing. I hope she's feeling better soon.

One Creative Queen said...

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who encounters these things. It's good to know I'm also not imagining my friends! :)

You all - every single one of you - makes me life brighter and better. Thank you for taking the time to comment, for reading my ramblings, and for including me in your lives. xx

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