It's late - but not too late. It's 10:36 pm and I have something to say, a "Friday Frustration". I've seen the meme - but now, for the live of me I can't remember who has it posted. I suppose one can't have beauty and brains...so I'll have to settle for a nicely polished crown, since I have neither.
*EDIT: After searcHinG fOr OVER AN HOUR<> IT"S OVeR ON CONVERSATIONSWITHMOM>COm. (sEE WHAT I mean about him meSSING WIth mY TYpINg??) Anyway, THANK YOU, cONVerSAtIONSWITHMOM>COM _ I APPRECIATE YOU COMING UP WITH THIS MEme!!
I am perturbed. Not the I'm-annoyed-but-will-get-over-it kind - the I-want-to-jack-someone-up sort. There is a difference. A big difference.
I have been dealing with an ex...ex what? Boyfriend sounds so silly at my age. Especially when that "boyfriend" was married. (Oh, the drama!) So we'll just call him ex I guess. I've been dealing with this ex doing crazy things to mess with me. And not in the good sense of the word, the kind that surrounds me in life. I'm talking criminally insane type things.
He has hacked into my computer. AGAIN. He apparently thinks this is quite funny...I don't. I think it's sad that a 40-something year old man gets his kicks by silently logging into my computer (and without permission, I might add) and screwing around like a 5 year old.
I will get on my computer and start to type something, only to have him remotely control my computer - and randomly change things as I type. For example, I'll be typing along...and some of my letters (or portions of my sentences) will have the caps lock on. But I didn't touch the caps lock button. Or I'll suddenly - mysteriously - be kicked off the Internet. Or my settings will be changed - so when I click on one bookmark, the entire folder of bookmarks opens. When 20 or 30 bookmarks try to open at once, the computer just clogs up and freezes. I have to turn the whole system off and start over. But the little window that pops up - the one that says "Your last Firefox session closed unexpectedly...Would you like to return there?" or whatever it says, just taunts me. I can't go back to where I was - because not only is the tab open that I want open, so are 500 others.
He's made it so I can't get my email open - Gmail tells me there is a pop-up blocker on my system and I have to remove it before I can open email. Nice.
Now he's made it so everything I click on opens in a new window. Not in the same tab, like it should - and not even in a new tab. It's a whole new window. So I have 372 windows open before I know it.
I have a feeling he's behind the whole system crash I experienced. He knows I'm not the most adept computer person...and he is. So he's got me there.
What I don't understand is why. Why would someone do this? It's crazy to me that you can "supposedly" love someone, then result to irritating them in such juvenile ways. When a relationship is over, it's over. I have no hate for the person - it's more of a...a...nothingness. I really cared for this guy at one point - and was hoping we could remain friends. That seems almost impossible at this point. I don't want to participate in ridiculous games...I don't perpetrate them and don't want to be on the receiving end. I haven't done anything to deserve this. I have not contacted him - and haven't "egged" him on. We are in different states...1,000 miles apart...I have my life, my kids, my craziness...he has his wife, his kids, and whatever he's up to. What prompts someone to sct like this? (Maybe it's my exceptional beauty? My magical personality? The blinding shine on my crown??)
I was going to ignore all this - and hope it goes away. But the last straw happened when I found a comment from "Anonymous". It was totally inappropriate. And gross. And completely disrespectful. I have removed it (so there's no use trying to find it lol) - but am concerned about what he'll do next. I want him to move on. To find happiness. To spend his time doing things that fill his life with purpose - not calculating how to hurt, or inconvenience, me or anyone else. This has been going on for...I don't even know how long. Many months. Going way back to several years ago, when we were together, and he put a keylogger on my computer. I was angry - not only for the lack of privacy (I am an adult...with no rings on my fingers...the last I checked) but also because the keylogger caused me to lose the job I had at the time.
Ok. I suppose I've vented enough. I'm just tired of this whole thing. I think once a relationship is over, that's it. Done. Maintaining a sort of friendship is fine (if both parties want that) - but it's no longer the other person's business what you're doing. I'm not speaking out of both sides of my mouth - I don't think it's any of my concern what he's doing, either.
And onto other subjects...the Farrah Fawcett...movie? Show? Biography? Documentary? just ended - and I was surprised at how much I liked it and was affected by it. I think it gave great insight into a cancer battle - and was more honest and raw than I expected. If you missed it and have the chance to see it in a re-run, I would recommend it. I was doing other things while it was on, so I didn't sit glued to the TV, but I never do. I can't sit and just watch a movie or TV show. I have to be on the computer, cleaning, working on art, etc while I watch. I'm too fidgety to just sit still.
What do you think - about crazy ex's? Have you had an ex that wouldn't let go? What is the most "unstable" thing an ex has inflicted on you? Did you watch Farrah? If so, what did you think? If not, why? (Could it be that you have a life and actually go out, or do something on Friday night??) I'd love to know!
PS - IF I disappear, it's because he's done something else to my computer. Nice that I have to say that, isn't it??