Sleepless Nights

Unlike the Diva-in-Training...

Unlike "Baby Sissy"...

Unlike Sweet Pea & Princess...

I cannot sleep.

It's frustrating not being able to sleep. Especially when you were busy the previous day and know you have to be busy the next day.

I don't sleep well. It's a fact. I haven't slept well in about 11 years and 8 months. The last time I slept well was before I was injured at work. Ever since then, to varying degrees, the pain has either kept me from going to sleep or - more often - wakes me up in the middle of the night. I've tried various prescription medications in an attempt to override the pain and knock me out. The problem is taking medication like that - although it allows me to finally sleep - throws me into a deep sleep. I don't wake up for the kids. I can't wake up in the morning. I feel groggy all the next day. It is because of these problems with the medication that I've opted not to take any sleep aides. There is a trade-off - not taking the medication means the pain keeps me awake. I go through these cycles - trying to sleep, finally dropping off for an hour or two, waking up because of my back and legs, trying to get the pain to go away. This continues until my body finally conks out. It doesn't matter where I am or what I'm doing - when my body has finally had enough, it simply shuts down. I've been known to fall asleep in the middle of conversations, movies, while at the park with the childebeasts. Embarrassing!

The up side to all of this? I've learned I need to do
something when I'm awake. Laying in bed only allows me to focus on the pain, making the pain seem even worse. Trying to get my mind off of it by involving myself in different activities seems to help. It's a catch-22. I can't do anything physical because of the pain - but I can't lay still either. So I've taken to spending these long nights, when everyone else in the country is sleeping, to work on my creativity. Playing with art is the only thing I can lose myself in. Which is why I'm posting this.

I had worked on these two projects a little while ago - but hadn't posted them. I hadn't realized that until I was looking at the painting I did - at 1:45 in the morning - trying to decide where to hang it in my developing studio. I'm going to post both projects in the next post...I just wanted to give a little background into why I'm posting things in the middle of the night!

1 Royal Responses:

susan said...

you know its when i read uplifting things like this that makes me grateful for what i am able to do. i applaud your attitude to perservere (that doesnt look right). i have issues with depression that keeps me from being creative and also very low energy. but i am still able to do, just dont have the drive. so keep it up, you are inspiring others!
just a quick thought, have you ever tried melatonin? i dont know if it would help in your situation, but i thought i would put it out there. i have used it successfully for about a year, and while i dont like to be without it, it is not addicting.
nice work on the blog and your art.

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